It’s ok, I’m not offended by you (yet hehehehe). But i’m not confusing anything. I had a good long look at Blendr before I wrote anything. The number of profiles with the word “Straight Acting” was unbelievable. Yes, I made an assumption it was these types who were writing to this guy, but it was an educated assumption based on the profiles I saw there. There weren’t no queens on there, let me tell you – they are all on Grindr. Fact is, nearly all the guys I know who are comfortable with their sexuality don’t go chasing straight men. Just the ones who are not comfortable with themselves. And those are the guys who, almost always, write homophobic shit like STRAIGHT ACTING, NO QUEENS, NO FEMMES etc etc VOMIT VOMIT VOMIT on their profiles.

Honestly, what this all is coming down to is your own personal experience of “well, the people I know who are ‘queens’ would never do this so it must be the ‘straight-acting’ guys.” I understand that perhaps on this application it may be mostly straight-acting males, but you can’t say “oh, well, it’s only men who are straight-acting because all the people I know who are flamboyant or queens are comfortable with their sexuality and wouldn’t.” You’re generalizing and creating stereo-types, which isn’t healthy for our community either. 

A lot of people in the LGBT community that I’ve talked to are very confident in themselves and proud of who they are, yet they actively chase straight men. Does this mean I’ll generalize and say that all people who are confident will try to convert them? No, because I realize this isn’t the case. You also can’t state that you know all the men on there weren’t, as you call it, “queens.” It was an educated assumption that you’re treating as fact and using as evidence in your debate that it’s men who don’t fit your version of “flamboyant” or “queen”-like gays that are giving the gay community a bad reputation, which… I shouldn’t have to describe how that’s harmful and perpetuating stereo-types. 

Honestly, the feeling I get from these posts is that you’ve got something against a lot of people who you describe to be “straight-acting,” (you’ve told me you hate the term, and I hate the term as well) simply because you seem to think they all aren’t comfortable with their sexuality, bash feminine gay men, and hit on straight guys. This is a stereo-type. It’s a fact that you will find people who fit a stereo-type, as you more than likely did on that app. However, the reason I’m debating this with you is because of the way you present your posts, you’re stating that this isn’t a stereo-type but basically fact. You continue on to say that it is because of people such as myself (who are normally described as straight-acting) that gay people have a bad name. I’m entirely comfortable with my sexuality and don’t hit on straight men whatsoever, and I have the utmost respect for men who are feminine or participate in drag. Hopefully you can see, then, why I’m having issues with your position.

I respect what it is you’re trying to do. I respect the fact you dislike the term “straight acting.” I stand strongly with you for both of those causes. Please, however, respect the fact that men who aren’t attracted to femininity or are masculine are not all complete and total assholes, because by perpetuating the stereo-type that you’re posting, you’re attacking people such as myself who whole-heartedly support the cause you’re fighting for. I already felt like a minority in the gay community because of my lack of flamboyancy and not finding many people who are the same way; please don’t perpetuate that feeling by describing people such as myself as the reason gay people have a bad name. 

I think what it’s really coming down to is you seem to be looking for any reason to defend the shitty language of these homophobes. It’s indefensible and that’s what I’m here for.