So I completely agree with repressed homophobia within the community; the problem is I am a homophobe. I didn't want to admit/hated I was gay and only recently came out, but still notice that I harbor self hating feelings, and while I'm not "straight acting" I don't like guys who are effeminate, and I don't like myself for being as such. I guess my question is what do I do to fix it? I know these feelings are wrong, and I shouldn't hate myself or other people for who they are.

I don’t think there’s anything you need to do to “fix” yourself. I actually believe we all think this way thanks to the homophobic conditioning we all get from society. I think you are already “fixed” in a sense, just by being conscious and awake.

I feel the same way as you. When I came out I had a lot of homophobic feelings, just the same as you. I know what its like to cringe when you see someone behaving effeminately, and to cringe when you see effeminacy in yourself. 

I think the important thing is to acknowledge that its the conditioning of society that makes you feel these things, first off. You’ve already made the amazing step towards consciousness on the issue, so now I think its just important to stop judging yourself when you say/do anything effeminate (it is, after all, just your natural self coming out). And when you find yourself cringing when someone is acting too effeminate for your taste, just try to remember that we are all the same, and that person deserves your respect. Just don’t laugh at them or put them down, because none of us needs that kind of crap.

I think internalised homophobia is something that stays with a lot of us our whole lives, but if we become aware of it within ourselves like you have, then it slowly dissolves over time, and we start to heal.

You’re a really courageous guy, and have a lot of guts to admit what you just did, and that makes you awesome.  

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