I’ll start this post off with the blunt statement of I hate today’s gay culture. Don’t get me wrong, I am proud to be gay, I stand up for equal rights for gays, etc… But when some guy on Grindr asks me to “meet up” and he’ll have a “Generous tip” for me it makes me utterly despise the gay world.
What is it way gay men and sex? Why are gay networking apps and sites focused so much on hook ups, one night stands, and “Discreet” fun?
I’m 20, somewhat attractive, and on Grindr. That does not mean I want to have sex with you.
My view: The reason we are hyper-sexualised as a culture is because
a) homophobia forces us (in most circumstances) to only look for each other in bars, toilet blocks, saunas/bath houses, and on “hook-up” sites. Because of the heteronormative conditioning society undergoes, its not natural for us to just walk down the street, assuming that everyone we meet is a compatible sexuality. Instead, the default is heterosexual, and we are left wondering with every guy “is he/isn’t he gay”. So we flock to safe places where we KNOW the other gays are. Bars, clubs, saunas, etc are SEXUALISED environments, so we become sexualised along with them. As adolescents we don’t learn any courtship protocols like the heterosexual world does (school dances, double dates, and other traditional courtship rituals that apply to heterosexual interactions). So when we come out of the closet, we go to the bars etc and instantly all we know is the whole “pick up” thing.
b) heteronormative society focuses so much on the aspect of sex when it discusses non-heterosexuality. They are obsessed with the fact that we fuck each others backsides. Homophobic discourse is almost completely focussed on the sexual act between two men, and never delves too deeply into our culture, our diversity, our natural tendencies and interests, etc. So even from an early age, whenever we hear about our sexuality, it is always sexualised.
c) heterosexuals are expressing their sexuality happily and confidently from the get-go. There’s never any shame associated with their sexuality. We have to remain in the closet until we are strong enough to come out, and then after that all the repressed homosexuality comes out in full force and we’re all like SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX and then maybe it becomes an addiction? (Just a thought).
I think it might also be possible that most human beings are natural very sexual beings (without meaning to offend or exclude people who identify as naturally a-sexual). And perhaps the heterosexual world just has so many boundaries and taboos and do’s and don’ts that they repress this about themselves (not all, but for the most part). Whereas once we come out of the closet we don’t have as many boundaries on us so we start expressing what may just be natural sexuality (but because society condemns it as “too sexual” we start judging and slut-shaming ourselves and others). Again, just a thought…