Copy of a letter of complaint, and my response. You can decide if you think I’m a Gay Christian Nazi or not.
Allow me to begin by declaring that I am, unashamedly, in general agreement with the principles you express in your mission statement. I am a traditionally masculine, openly gay man who resents very much the term “straight acting” – not because I find it offensive as someone who is gay, but because I find it offensive as a man. To claim one is “straight acting” does, indeed, dangerously reinforce the completely false assumption that one’s sexuality is in some way an intrinsic and defining part of one’s personality and gender identity. Certainly, for many people, it is an important part of one or both – but it does not need to be, and for many people like myself, it is not. For my part, I have always rejected the term “straight acting” and regarded myself as being “traditionally masculine”, and I have for my entire adult life been firmly of the belief that our notions of gender-specific behaviours and personality traits are, with a handful of minor exceptions that have a clearly biological/evolutionary cause, are a result of generations of societal conditioning. I am very happy with myself and with my traditional masculinity; just as I was extremely unhappy presenting myself as heterosexual before coming to terms with my sexuality, I would be deeply unhappy presenting myself as anything other than a masculine man.
Agreed. Although I don’t like the use of the term “traditionally masculine” (because I really, really detest labels), I understand what you mean by it here, and don’t have an issue with you using it.
Similarly, I am in agreement with your attitudes towards race. There is absolutely no reason for people seeking partners, sexual and/or romantic, to specifically exclude certain races or ethnic groups. People absolutely should specify the kind of individual they ARE looking for instead, at least when it comes to race. I say this as a “white” (a label I reject, as I believe it implies a greater degree of ethnic homogeneity between peoples of European descent than actually exists) man who can earnestly say he has never (to date) been sexually attracted to an individual who is not also “white”. I am a “face man” (that is to say, I find it very hard to be attracted to a person if I do not find their facial features attractive), and so it stands to reason that for me, racial characteristics can be very important in determining attractiveness. I am by no means racist for this; indeed, my ancestors came to my country of birth from three others a century ago, a decision that led to several of their children being killed for their ethnic origin, and my volunteer work involves fighting for people who have been discriminated against for their race (and gender, sexuality etc.). Whenever I have sought a partner out via advertising means, I have never specified any racial requirements, positive or negative – I may not have been attracted to any non-“white” person to date, but I am entirely open to the possibility that I may one day be, or that romantic attraction to such an individual may give way to sexual attraction.
I understand what you mean here about not being a racist, even though you have never been attracted to someone who is not white. It is a difficult kind of statement to make because you open yourself up to being attacked as a racist. Many times on my blog I’ve tried to reinforce my belief that I do not consider people to be racist if they are not attracted to this race or that, it just saddens me that our social conditioning makes us primarily attracted to the white male. That said, it’s important for all white people like both of us (even if you don’t like the white label) to accept and take responsibility for the immense amount of privilege being white affords us in every aspect of our lives, something I think a very large majority of white gay men are not even aware of, let alone take responsibility for. Not saying you don’t take responsibility for your white privilege, just saying we all should.
Having said all of that, I am afraid I still find your blog to be rather infuriating. You claim that you wish to champion tolerance and fight what you describe as homophobia within the gay community, yet you are – in my humble opinion – working in opposition to your own self-proclaimed mission.
I don’t agree at all with this statement, and will explain why below.
stay tuned, or read the full article here.