Positivity always pays off: You can start by not putting other people down. Gossip and saying negative things about other people is a result of your self loathing projecting outward. Don’t feed into it!

Similarly, if people are saying nasty, hurtful things about you, don’t allow your ego to co-opt the situation by taking what they’re saying to heart. Know that what they’re saying has nothing to do with you. Again, it’s them projecting their own self loathing and fear. Say this out loud: What other people think of me is none of my business. “

Whilst I can’t claim RuPaul’s positivity (at all), nor can I come anywhere near her C-harisma-U-niqueness-N-erve-and-T-alent, I think what she’s saying is right on the money, and I think it every time I read homophobic statements made by gay men. Everytime I see “no fems” and “no queens”, or the extremism I’ve seen today with gay men openly admitting homophobia, loud and proud, I think of this statement – their self-loathing projected outwards.

One claim made against me by these self-loathing gay men is “you’re just as bad anyway, you’re hating other gays too.” I know to them this is a logical statement, but to me, it’s just a sad attempt to derail and deflect attention from the actual issue – which is of course internalised homophobia. This sort of argument seems to be the “go-to” argument for these guys, mainly because they don’t have much to say about the actual homophobia (what can you say, really, to defend your homophobic statements).

RuPaul chooses to ignore and stay positive – a noble, amazing way to handle these issues. I’m not like RuPaul. I prefer to hone in on the language and expose it, because unfortunately the people using it are so utterly unconscious of it in themselves. Ignoring them, in my view, won’t make them go away. I’ve seen this heteronormativity gaining momentum for quite a few years now, and I don’t want to live in a world where open hatred, ridicule, and exclusion of gay males who choose not to express themselves with society-approved masculinity is an acceptable norm.