Every day we are overwhelmed with ridiculous stories that reinforce heteronormative conditioning. Not just us non-heterosexuals. Everyone. It’s absolutely insane. These socially constructed methods of control need to be dismantled. We cannot evolve unless they are.
Think about it. Every day we are told it’s natural for:
men and women to be attracted to each other
men and women to enter into monogamous, lifelong partnerships
males to do masculine things, females do feminine things
I think these are the fundamental aspects of the conditioning, although there will be others I haven’t thought of on the fly.
Hardly any of us, especially (especially!) the heterosexuals, question these so-called “natural truths”.
But they aren’t true. They are constructs. They are lies. We humans are not infallible, perfect beings who simply fit naturally into these ideas. We are living, breathing experiments of nature. But it seems we spend most of our time fighting our nature, and trying to tame it to comply with the ideas above.
I’m not arguing that we should simply stop having ideals, and become like animals, subject to whatever impulse or desire we have. I’m saying that the above ideas have passed their use-by date, and need to be replaced. I’m saying that the above ideas do not fit naturally with humans, being constructs from an ancient, more punitive, patriarchal period of our history, and no longer serve a constructive purpose for any of us.
If only men and women should be attracted to each other, why are so many people same-sex attracted?
If people were meant to live in lifelong, monogamous partnerships, why do so many (soooooooo many) people have sexual encounters outside of their partnerships? Why do so many marriages end in divorce?
If males do masculine things, and females do feminine things, then why are there so many people who, despite their sex, enjoy trans-gendered activities?
It’s not the humans who are unnatural, it’s the social constructs that are being forced down their throats from the moment they take their first breath to the moment they breath their last!
Looking at the awful Murdoch press this morning, there’s a story that is the perfect example of this social construct gone wrong. Here is the link. We have the epitome of masculinity from the early 90’s, Andrew Ettinghausen (footballer) who is “crying tears of shame every day” because he got busted having an extra-marital affair.
The questions we should be asking are not: “Why did this low-life cheat on his poor faithful wife of 20-odd years?” We should be asking “Why is this man tormenting himself whilst being simultaneously shamed in public for having consenting sex with another adult?”
If humans were taught that whilst some relationships may remain monogamous for a lifetime, most do not, and there’s no moral or legal obligation for people to remain in relationships with each other longer than they want, then this man would not be feeling shame for having been “outed” as a “cheating bastard”. His wife of 20 years would not be feeling betrayed and angry (or whatever she might be feeling right now). People would be more adult about their relationships, rather than this childish possessive jealousy that seems to be the cause of so much pain (and violence and murder and vengeance when the jealous lover goes off the boil).
We are ignoring the reality of adult, human relationships, because we have been taught to be blind to them. Everywhere we look we are subjected to images of happy, heterosexual couples living “till death do they part”. But most of these couples, after an initial “I love you” phase, start yearning for more, with other people.
This marriage thing is ridiculous! Combining assets with a person, despite the huge chance that neither of you will want to spend your whole lives together in a few years, causing the pain and anger of divorce and the separating of said assets.
Yet polyamory is ridiculed (or more truthfully, feared)? IT DOES NOT MAKE SENSE.
Maybe, we have all got it wrong. Maybe a better idea would be for units of families and friends to work together to build assets that can be shared amongst them, whilst each individual is free to pursue love without the confines of formal legalities.Maybe it should be illegal to share assets with sexual partners (think about that one for a minute!).
As sexual relationships begin and ultimately fail, individuals can enrich their lives through deep, spiritual connections with different people they come across during their life’s journey, and in the meantime with friends, children and parents, can build a wealth that is separate from the sexual bonds they form.
Imagine that! Break ups would be less financially and legally messy. People would evolve to acknowledge that all things have a beginning and an end, and not everything has to be “forever till death do us part” (it just sounds so greedy! You’re mine FOREVER!”). Imagine a world full of mature adults who enjoy their physical, sexual natures without fear of derision, ridicule, and shame, and without fear that if their sexual relationships end they will lose their house or their children or their car or their pets. Imagine a world where there IS no cheating, and therefore no ridiculous headlines when some celebrity or person of interest decides to have a sexual relationship with someone other then their enforced life-partner. Imagine a life filled with an amazing history of beautiful, life-affirming sexual relationships that help to enrich and evolve, rather than a lifetime with a person who, whilst familiar, lost their intellectual, spiritual, and sexual connection with you decades ago, but you’re just kinda still there because of some words you said when you were both different people 40 years earlier and you’re just too scared to lose your home and possessions and children.
Imagine that for a minute. Imagine it with fear. Really try to put yourself into that world before you allow your conditioning to come flooding back with its bullshit lie that you were meant to find THE ONE.