I think therapy would be good if you can afford it. If you can’t (and not many of us can) then anything you can do to focus on your own sense of self-worth would be good. Join some gay social groups, buy some books on queer subjects and coming out, that sort of thing. Hating yourself for being effeminate (and projecting that hatred onto others you perceive are effeminate) is unhealthy. All of us have some effeminacy somewhere, even the butchest “straight acting masc” homophobe. Focus on loving yourself and the pool of guys you find attractive might widen. Just to reiterate, there is not a single white, “straight acting masc” guy I have ever met (and I’ve met A LOT) who isn’t a flamer on at least one level – they just can’t see it because all their energy is focussed on trying to “act straight”. So these guys you are currently attached to will only disappoint you at some point because they too are kinda gay. I’d say your key challenge would be to get over this femmephobia of yours as quickly as you can, any way you can. I’d also say you’re well on your way to doing this, judging by what you’ve written above.