Guy#1: shows his face (edited to protect his identity). He tells us what he likes to do. He doesn’t disparage, ridicule, or hate on anyone. His profile is exactly that: HIS PROFILE. It focuses on HIM. And what he likes. He is confident but not full of himself. He is ACTUALLY “DTE”, mainly because he doesn’t feel the need to prove anything to the world. Simple. What one could easily call a “nice” guy or “genuine”. Yes you can tell all these things from less that 120 characters.

Guy#2: won’t show his face. Is insecure, expressed through a filter of arrogance (he calls himself good looking). He lumps “campy queens and Asians” into the same “undesirable” category. As we all know these statements come from an unconscious fear of being judged for “acting gay”. Has to denigrate others to feel better about himself. Shallow, desperate, and hates himself (projected outwards).


I’m not insecure about my sexuality. That’s why I don’t need to hate on fems or call myself masc and straight acting. But I’m finding it really hard to meet guys. Thanks to the Internet the art of conversation has completely disappeared unless you include some drunken ramblings from guys I’ll never see again. And online if I don’t write masc or straight acting it seems other men just assume by default that I’m about to explode into a fiery rainbow. I don’t know how straight acting is confused with masculinity anyway, because every straight acting guy I’ve met has been so insecure about being gay it was impossible to initiate a real connection with him without triggering one of a thousand defence mechanisms. I found the straight acting masc guys so prone to dramatic tantrums it was really draining.

Jamie, Grindr user, 27 years old, Sydney Australia