This guy has nearly all the “insecure about my sexuality” clichés. The only one missing is “normal”.

But seriously, the only thing this guy lacks is authenticity. Who is he really? No one knows, not even himself. He’s not allowed to be real, it would get in the way of all the “straight acting masc” going on.

Let’s reconstruct his profile using the truth:

5’11” toned and solariumed, with black hair and eyes. I look fit but probably couldn’t run around the block, I try very hard to act masculine and I immitate the straight men I wish would fuck my man-pussy, because I’m insecure about being a bottom and overcompensate with hyper-masculinity at every opportunity. I am discreet because I’m too scared to come out of the closet mainly because I’m worried people will treat me in the same way I treat other gays: i.e. with derision, contempt, and ridicule. Looking for someone as self-hating and unconscious as me so we can project our disgust onto each other.


The iGays Are Way Too Sick: TURN OFF THE LIFE SUPPORT!


I literally have no hope left for the gay community. I’m 37, going on dead. I was born into a world of people, but I fear I will die in a world of internet-addicted, mindless animals. I came out in 1993, in Sydney, to a gay scene that was vibrant, colourful, out and proud. Here I sit not twenty years later, and the community has been decimated by the Internet. Completely, utterly decimated. As a whole, gays everywhere have become a sick group of animals who have completely lost their ability to interact on any authentic level, who have fearfully squashed themselves into simplified categories of drop-down boxes, and who banish entire groups of their own kind based purely on unwanted physical characteristics that do not fit the Gay-For-Pay Porn Model Image. We demand equal rights, but treat each other like sub-human animals, and worship the Straight Man as God-King.

We are an un-community. We have become a consumer product. We are the iGays. We have lost our souls. And we don’t even know it.

I have never felt more ugly, unworthy, and disgusting as I feel now. I have become so acutely self-conscious and lacking in esteem that if I actually venture out (despite this having become a pointless expedition of being ignored and judged, and watching small groups of gay males ignoring other small groups of gay males), I’m too uncomfortable to even dance anymore. I have no joy left in my life, because I have lost hope that I will ever share my life with another person. I look at other gay men, older than me, who have literally given up on life, and I used to condemn them, revolted by their apathy, but I am starting to understand them, understand why they feel so ripped off by this existence. They are labelled “bitter old queens”, but they deserve love and respect. Not everyone is strong enough to “keep on keeping on” in the face of this monstrously soulless life that is called Gay.

After having consumer culture rammed down our wide-open, cum-drenched throats for decades, after being heteronormalised to the point where we deride our own selves for being “gay”, our only desire has now become this:

It doesn’t matter what any of us look like – fat, ugly, beautiful, handsome, young, old, white, African, Asian, or whatever – THIS is the only acceptable partner for our lives. And if this is the ONLY ACCEPTABLE OPTION, then we are in a really bad state, because there is simply not enough of these Adonis Fantasy Men to go around.

We no longer see human beings and learn to love them, explore them, lock eyes with them and feel the exhilaration of romance and falling in love. We just log on to Grindr, the gay slot-machine, and repeatedly “load more guys” waiting for a jackpot that will never come. We are addicts, just like any common gamblers addicted to their machines. It doesn’t matter how many beautiful, similarly-tortured, like-minded souls send us a message, because unless they are this dude above, we are simply not interested.

We ignore, block, or prick-tease our way around our fellow brothers-in-pain, compounding the sense of self-hatred onto ourselves, and projecting it onto others. We salivate over these perfect guys, (perfect on the outside, not anywhere else), who exist only on our screens in porno fantasies. We throw ourselves repeatedly at them, we have childish tantrums if they ignore or reject us, and we pull our hair and wail about our accursed single-lives.

We deny our true desires, and claim we want only NSA FUN, because we don’t want to look needy and desperate, BUT THAT’S EXACTLY WHAT WE ALL ARE. It’s also really convenient to claim we’re “not after a relationship” because it makes our job so much easier when we “accidentally” forget to message that last fuck back. There was nothing wrong with him, he was hot and sexy and made us cum, but he wasn’t our jackpot, he wasn’t our Knight in Shining Hot Top Masc Str8 Acting Armour come on a white horse, torso exposed, muscles rippling, cock large thick and hard, ready to pound us endlessly into a multi-orgasmic nirvana happily ever after till Cher turns back time (eeew a gay icon, that’s so gay, it’s making me soft to think about her! REAL MASC MEN ONLY. NO HOMO. NO FEM.)

We have denied an entire half of our sexuality (our versatility, the fact that we have a cock AND a hole) and become addicted to bottomness, searching endlessly for the Hot Masc Top to save us, refusing to ever supply the pleasure we are addicted to receiving. We have shoved ourselves into heteronormative gender roles of masculine and feminine, man and woman, husband and wife, top and bottom, big spoon and little spoon, pitcher and catcher, top bunk and bottom bunk, and LITERALLY HATE OURSELVES for it. Oh, we claim we are versatile, but first opportunity it’s legs up and open high in the air, come save me Top Tarzan Man! If we allowed ourselves some love and romance, as we once did, in our fledgling days of true pride, we might fall for a man deeply enough to want all of him, and to want to give all of ourselves, not just our holes. But nope! Our sex addicted bottom-selves won’t allow this, (after all love and romance, those aren’t “masc things”, those are girly concepts, right?), and it’s easier to just BLOCK, PULL THAT LEVER, LOAD MORE GUYS, JACKPOT? BLOCK, PULL THAT LEVER, LOAD MORE GUYS…

BLOCK. PULL THAT LEVER. LOAD MORE GUYS…. and then pull that trigger because right now, in 2012, a bullet seems preferable to looking at another headless, soulless torso with the word MASC written above it.


SEX ED People wrongfully think Ben Cohen is gay because he readily shows off his hirsute and muscular build on the covers of gay magazines.

However, many that looks like him and fight openly for gay rights have been heterosexual up until this point.

The remaining ‘butch’ gays are too busy:

  • Hating the effeminate ones that receive the blunt of homophobic ridicule
  • Picking out new fitted caps to blend in better
  • Douching because they’re all bottoms but hate to admit it
  • Updating their Grindr/Scruff/Mister profile with the “Into Masc/Musc Only” Addendum to go alongside the oldie but goodie “No Fats, No Fems, No [insert desired ethnic group here]”.

No thank you.

If effeminacy is such an act, so is masculinity

One of the biggest complaints the “straight acting masc” jokers make about so-called effeminate men is that they are “putting on an act” or “not being themselves”. Let’s ignore the obvious irony inherent in such a statement (the irony that someone who calls themselves “straight acting” is complaining that someone else is “acting” also).

With these guys, their heteronormative brainwashing is so strong they are convinced that “straight acting masc” is natural and normal, and effeminacy is an act. They imply that males just naturally behave in certain ways, that conditioning has nothing to do with it, and that men who “act gay” are making an effort to do so.

Maybe these “gay actors” are putting on an act? Maybe it is deliberate? You could argue that only the individual himself knows the answer.

But what about this? Maybe all the heterosexual males these “straight actors” idolise with such blind lust are acting as well? I can’t prove it of course, but my instincts scream out that this is true. I will give you an example:

This morning, as a sat in a cafe window, I watched a stereotypical heterosexual male park his pick-up truck which was covered in dirt in front of the cafe. Actually he had a lot of trouble parking the vehicle (ironic considering the stereotypical heterosexual male would joke that only Asians and women have a difficult time with parking – apparently being able to park a car is a masculine trait). He got out and was dressed in stereotypical construction-worker gear. He walked into the cafe and ordered himself a latté to take away. “G’day mate, yeah I’ll get a larday with two sugars.” His voice sounded completely forced. I’m sure he speaks like this all the time, but it sounded unnatural – as though he had worked very hard on speaking with as deep a voice as possible in a monotone and without any inflection. He just sounded…. “straight”.

Why am I writing this? Because I believe heterosexual men put as much effort into developing their “straight act” just as much as any effeminate man could be accused of developing his “gay act”. In this regard, heterosexuals aren’t natural and homosexuals aren’t unnatural. If one is putting on an act, so is the other.

And who cares, right? Well, when a self-hating internally homophobic “straight actor” starts accusing effeminate men of acting, I care. I’m thinking of people like Mr Matt Hissey from GOProud (ugh, even here in Australia I want to lock those traitors up!!!). Mr Hissey has been famously quoted as saying the words “normal and straight acting” to describe the kind of masculine gay he approves of (despite the obvious difficultly he has being said normal straight acting guy). I’m thinking of every single profile that says “no fem” and claims vehemently to be “masc”.

This is why these gender specific terms are stupid, because all of them describe an act. Where’s the authenticity? Aren’t we non-heterosexuals something more, something greater, than just mindless slaves to heteronormative constructs of gender? Why do we need to tell people “I’m this, I’m that”? What’s wrong with just BEING? Just EXISTING? Why the desperate need to label ourselves with terms that honestly DO NOT FIT? I know society treats us like shit, and it’s natural when you’ve been told you’re whole life how much you suck to want to prove yourself to those who beat you down. But there’s enough of us that we don’t have to prove anything to anyone.

I just wish we could focus on developing our own unique culture, instead of trying so hard to fit into the heteronormative model that we clearly exist outside of.

I’m not insecure about my sexuality. That’s why I don’t need to hate on fems or call myself masc and straight acting. But I’m finding it really hard to meet guys. Thanks to the Internet the art of conversation has completely disappeared unless you include some drunken ramblings from guys I’ll never see again. And online if I don’t write masc or straight acting it seems other men just assume by default that I’m about to explode into a fiery rainbow. I don’t know how straight acting is confused with masculinity anyway, because every straight acting guy I’ve met has been so insecure about being gay it was impossible to initiate a real connection with him without triggering one of a thousand defence mechanisms. I found the straight acting masc guys so prone to dramatic tantrums it was really draining.

Jamie, Grindr user, 27 years old, Sydney Australia

What’s so wrong with being masc, mate?

I’ve often been accused of having an agenda to push only one kind of “gay” expression: the stereotypically effeminate, “queen” expression of non-heterosexual male culture. It might come as a surprise to some, then, when I tell you that I identify, at least on the physical level, through both my appearance and activities, as a cis-male. Psychologically, I would consider myself to be far more pangendered than anything else, however in a lot of people’s minds, pangenderism often gives rise to images of androgyny, whereas to me, it covers the extremes of both the masculine and the feminine, from extreme masculine aggression to extreme feminine passivity and the entire range between them. We are all unique when it comes to gender, something I realise more consciously every day, upon meeting every new person, in the non-heterosexual and in the heterosexual environments.

It’s not surprising I get this sort of criticism, considering my obvious attacks on the mandatory immitation of heterosexual ideas of masculinity that I believe have infected the non-heterosexual male community over the last decade or so. But I am not attacking masculinity, nor am I attacking non-heterosexual men who express themselves primarily through a traditionally masculine lens. I express myself through the same lens, most of the time. I’ve been conditioned to do so, after all.

No, I’m not attacking masculinity, nor am I attempting to force femininity onto anyone. If anything, I use the expression of blatant stereotyped faggotry to challenge those who are criticised on my blog.

There is absolutely nothing wrong with expressing yourself in a masculine way. I love masculinity! I love femininity too, and if we were living in an alternate universe where femininity was regarded in such high esteem like masculinity is here, and we were bombarded with profiles proclaiming “no mascs”, then my blog would still exist, and so would the same criticisms of it, albeit inverted.

So what’s my problem then? I will tell you (was there ever any doubt!).

My problem is that a majority (a very large, massive, huge, throbbing … majority) of men who repetitively chant the word “masc” like a mantra in their profiles have very little concept of what the word actually means.

I can’t tell you the number of times I’ve drilled a guy about his use of the word “masc” only to be told, time and again that to “be masc” is to be “not femme/not gay-acting/not a woman/not girly” etc.

I shouldn’t have to explain to you that a thing is not defined by what IT ISN’T! A cat is not a “not dog”, the colour yellow is not “not blue”, a car is not a “not train” and a man is not a “not woman”! How confusing would it be if we all started talking in “not things”?

Hi there, how are you feeling today? Would you like to go for a walk with me?

would become

Not goodbye, how are not-me feeling not-tomorrow? Would not-someone-else not-dislike to not-stay for a not-swim not-without not-you?

Kill me now! But you get the point (I hope).

In every definition of the word “masculine” I could find, not one of them said “not feminine”. So how can non-heterosexual men claim the right to use the word “masc” to describe themselves when most of them don’t even know what it means?

Furthermore, the answer “not femme” really exposes the essence of what’s going on here, and that essence is the uncomfortableness these men feel expressing themselves in a society that has taught them that “gay = feminine man who gets fucked in the arse = bad”. Their entire focus isn’t actually on masculinity at all, it is 100% on femininity. They are thinking about their perceived internal femininity every single time they write the word “masculine”, and to me that’s a classic example of overcompensation.

If these guys were able to disconnect from their ideas of the not-feminine for just a few moments, they could focus on WHO THEY ACTUALLY ARE, AND WHAT THEY ACTUALLY LIKE! For just a second, these men could forget what society says is a not-woman, and investigate just what exactly it is that makes them a man.

They might enjoy watching football, riding dirt bikes, drinking with their mates down the local pub, working out, driving utes, and other aspects traditionally associated by society as masculine (not that women can’t enjoy these things too, but that’s not the point here). They might also discover they like to dance, read, paint, talk about their feelings, have coffee with their female friends, shop for clothes, cook, decorate, and other aspects traditionally associated by society as feminine. And when they put all of these things together they will be able to see how much more diverse and interesting they are than just a “not-woman”.

Some of these men may have absolutely no interest in anything traditionally associated with femininity, others may be the opposite. But how things are standing right now, a lot of these men are not even looking at themselves and who they actually are, or what they actually like to do, so hamstrung are they in their attempts to prove somehow that they are “real men”. If you have to keep clubbing people over the head with terms like “straight acting” and “masc” and “no queens no femmes” then you are just presenting yourself to the world as someone who really is too frightened to look inwards and discover who you actually are. You are trying too hard to convince the world of something, and this effort is belying the truth: that you are insecure with the essence of who you are as a male.

There’s nothing wrong with loving all the traditionally masculine activities, but make sure you’re loving them because you love them. In my moments of insecurity in the past I tried to force myself to love rugby league. I mean, I was brought up on the game, I played it (well), and it IS the pinnacle of masculinity in our society, and I am attracted very much so to the masculine traits in men, so it’s only natural I love that game, right? But no, when I was honest with myself I realized I found the game intensely boring. What I liked about the game was the extremely hot men! And that’s ok! But I’m not going to write in my profile that I love footy just to project a sense of the hyper-masculinised me. No way! It’s not me! And here we come to the nitty-gritty of it all – we are on Grindr and other mediums to find other guys we like, whether that be for a 10 minute encounter or a 10 year relationship. We need to start being honest with who we are, so we can attract men who match us. So unless footy is a real passion, don’t put it on your profile! Put your passions on there, put what you love on there, and please STOP putting all the not-loves up, just to prove to the world that you are not something you fear you really are.

All humans, no matter what sexuality, are complex. They are not black and white. You may only have 120 characters on a Grindr profile to express yourself, but it is possible to do just that. Every single word you devote to proving you are something you hope you are not, is a word wasted, and a word that will ultimately attract guys you really don’t want.

Be yourself and you will meet men who complement you. Keep up the charade and you won’t. I’ve already made my choice here, and I’m getting frustrated waiting for all the not-women (many of whom would be extremely sexy if they could just learn to be REAL) to wake up and smell the roses-slash-jockstraps!!!!