KISS ME I’M ASIAN! The ideas in this blog just went mainstream!

In today’s paper in Melbourne, page 11, the total theft of my blog’s ideas has taken place. However, after reading this, particularly the author’s last line, all I can say is this is a really watered-down piece that doesn’t ask the tough questions of white people, and predictably places a lot of the blame on Asians themselves. On the positive side he is an Asian writer in Australia and its fantastic to get a first-person piece out into the mainstream. Here is a transcript: The SpecTrum of SexuAl ATTrAcTioN cAN Be A woNderful ThiNg, BuT BenJamin law ASkS: wheN doeS “differeNT STrokeS for differeNT folkS” Slip iNTo rAciSm?  If you’ve never heard of grindr, ask your  local smartphone-owning homosexual for the lowdown. Like some gay hybrid of a GPS, personals section and neighbourhood beat, Grindr pinpoints your location and presents you with photos of nearby men. Naturally, Grindr users all look for different things: hairy/smooth, slim/ athletic. Many also state what they’re avoiding. “No femmes,” say some. “No fat, no old,” say others . “No Asians.” That last one – “No Asians” – comes up a lot. Which is to say, they’re avoiding guys like me.  Setting up a Grindr profile is easy. My rules are simple: my profile will show my bare torso, but not my face – nothing to indicate race. Within minutes, a Caucasian man, whose face I can only describe as vaguely potato-ish , starts chatting to me. He has no username, but his listed age is 31. After pleasant banter, the conversation veers, of course, to my nipples.  Potato: I must compliment you on your shiny nipples. Do you wax?  Me: Ha! No that just comes with being Asian.  [Pause]  Potato: Oh I bet you don’t have to grroom [sic] at all do you.  Before I can even respond, Potato sends a rapidfire succession of messages:  Potato: I’m off to bed / Night / Chat later.  Maybe I’m paranoid, but I have the distinct feeling I’ve encountered my first case of online racebased rejection. Everything was going smoothly with Potato until I mentioned I was Asian.  “The level of racism with these apps and websites is horrific,” says Nic, a semi-regular Grindr user.“One time, someone even had emojicons for Asian and Indian men; he couldn’t even be bothered to write the words.”  Chinese-Australian filmmaker Tony Ayres has written about Australia’s gay scene before: “If you’re young and good-looking , you’re at the top of the social hierarchy. What I didn’t realise was that being Chinese was actually a distinctive sexual category in a racial hierarchy. Asians were behind black and Latino men in the scale of things. White men were on top.”  Ayres laughs, adding: “It’s difficult to find a way of talking about this that doesn’t sound like you’re the dick police. Because then, not only are you sensitive, you’re dull, too. But obviously, desire is racialised. Whether it’s conscious or unconscious, there are exclusions, and people come to generalisations about Asian men: feminine ; small dicks.”  “Everyone’s entitled to their own sexual preference ,” says Kevin, another Grindr user. “I don’t believe in affirmative action when it comes to having sex.” Still, Kevin has seen enough online gay profiles with “No Asians” on them that he can’t dismiss it, either: “I’m hypersensitive, but that’s because I know it exists. Whenever I get snubbed, it’s always in the back of my mind whether it’s because he’s not interested in Asian people. Gay guys put a premium on hypermasculinity , and part of the reason I’m so bodyconscious is because I don’t want to be that ‘twink’ Asian stereotype.”  This isn’t confined to gay Asian men. “Wesley” is a 29-year-old Chinese-Australian lawyer who was dating a blonde Australian woman before the relationship unceremoniously ended. Months later, Wesley heard through mutual friends that she had said – while drunk – “I love Wesley, but I’m just not geared to being attracted to Asian guys.’”  Chinese-Australian Colin was also dumped by his white girlfriend after nine months. When Colin asked her why, she looked at him blankly. “It’s because you’re Asian,” she said.  I laugh, horrified, when Colin tells me this. “She didn’t know you were Asian beforehand?”  “It’s not like I turned Asian overnight,” he says.  All of this raises potentially ugly questions. Is it true that heterosexual women and gay men don’t find Asian men attractive? Asian women don’t have the same problem (ask my sisters), so why Asian men?  Dr Michael Lewis from Cardiff University in Wales has surveyed young heterosexuals from all racial backgrounds to monitor patterns of racebased attraction. Lewis’s tests revealed a trend where straight men generally considered Asian women more attractive than Caucasians, while black women were left behind. For men, it was the reverse. Women considered black men more attractive than Caucasians, while Asian men ranked lowest. In the UK, census data on marriage parallels Lewis’s findings. More black men are in interracial marriages than black women, and more Asian women are in interracial marriages than Asian men.  There are vague correlations in the gay world. In 2008, Australian gay magazine DNA ran a survey touching on who readers found attractive. Overwhelmingly, readers preferred Caucasian men (58.3 per cent), followed by mixed race (15.1 per cent) and Hispanic (10.7 per cent). Asian scraped in at 3.2 per cent. Even Asian readers didn’t identify Asian guys as particularly hot.  there are several theories here. one is bio-  logical: Asian men are not typically muscular, hairy or tall, biological signposts of masculinity and testosterone. Another is Australia’s history with Asia. From the White Australia policy to Hansonism, Asians have occupied a place in the Australian imagination as particularly repellent.  Others point to poor media representation of Asian people, men especially. How many Asian male sex symbols in Western media can you name? Most of us would need to Google actormodel Daniel Henney, Chinese actor Tony Leung, Survivor winner Yul Kwon, Glee’s Harry Shum jnr or Lost’s Daniel Dae Kim. In Australia, we probably only have one: Home & Away and Dance Academy’s teen dream Jordan Rodrigues.  Though DNA’s models are often non-Caucasian , there has not been one identifiably Asian cover model in DNA’s 146-issue history. “To appeal to the widest audience possible, models have to be pretty generic,” says Andrew Creagh, DNA’s editor. “In many ways, cover models need to be a blank canvas onto which the audience can project their own fantasies and aspirations.”  For Asian guys, that invisibility can translate to tough prospects on the field. When Colin talks to his non-Asian female friends, they often say it’s hard to reconcile their teen ideas of marriage and romance with Asian guys. For some, romance or sex with an Asian guy is beyond their imagination. Gilbert Caluya, a young, gay, Filipino-Australian academic, describes an experience where one man at a club literally put his palm to Caluya’s face and said, “I don’t do Asians.” This was before Caluya even spoke to him.  Though I’m Asian myself, I can’t absolve myself here. In the past, when I’ve been asked what guys I’ve found attractive, the answer was rarely Asian men. It wasn’t until I spent time travelling through Asia – in Japan and India, especially – that I found the men beautiful, even ruggedly handsome. Something else changed, too. In Beijing, Tokyo and Delhi, I suddenly became a massive hit in gay clubs.  For all these complicated questions about race and desire, perhaps the answer is quite simple: we all just need to get out more.  Copyright © 2012 Fairfax Media

Why saying NO ASIANS / NO BLACKS etc is racist…

I don’t understand this, I don’t have a type of guy I’ll go for, but like okay I know lots of people who are friends with black guys and girls but sexually aren’t into them that way and the other way around so I don’t see how that makes someone racist at all. “Oh you have never hated o someone for being black or asian etc, and are friends with many different types of people, but since sexually you’re only turned on by white guys you’re totally racist”. Um, no. 

Yeah, calling someone racist because they don’t want to sleep with someone is stupid. People like what they like, get over it.

Like many of us who are sick to death of the way gay men express themselves through their online profiles, we have all heard the same opinions as those quoted above, over and over again.

But how do you counter these one-dimensional, badly-thought-through arguments? How does one express to people making these sorts of statements exactly why saying “No Asians” or “No Blacks” is racist?

It’s a tough question, because inevitably you have to deal with several issues. First off, almost always (say 98% of the time) the people who make the above arguments are white. So instantly you are dealing with unconscious white privilege (the White is Right mentality, and the How can I be racist? It’s not like I dress like the Klu Klux Klan mentality).

Secondly, people who make the above statements mistakenly assume, without giving the subject any thought, that we are accusing people of racism because they have a sexual preference towards one race or the other. I know some online articles I’ve read make such statements, but I think its a terrible thing to accuse a person of being racist when they are simply attracted to whatever it is they have been conditioned to find attractive. Not many people can break away from their early childhood and adolescent sexual conditioning (which is a shame) but the fact is it is a very hard thing to do.

I for one do not call someone racist merely because they are not attracted to Asians or African Americans or Indians or any other race. I am saddened that we have been conditioned to find one race more attractive than another, and wish that this would change, but I will not condemn a man for being subject to his conditioning.

That said, it is a massive difference between following the objects of your desires on one hand, and stating to the whole world just how unattractive you find certain races on the other.

It is an extremely negative and demeaning way of expressing your sexual desires.

It causes immeasurable psychological harm to the racial subsets within the gay community who bare the brunt of these statements.

Imagine for a moment you are an Asian teenaged boy. You, like all of us, have grown up with heteronormative conditioning in a majority white country like Australia or the United States. Your family has lived in this country for at least two generations. You speak the same language as all the white people, and have the same accent as them. You have been conditioned through your entire life to find the White Heterosexual Man to be the pinnacle of attractiveness. Every TV screen, every newspaper, every magazine reinforces this conditioning. You finally gather the strength to come out. You are ready to meet people of your own sexuality. You are ready to connect with other like-minded men. You are finally ready to stop being alone. You create a profile on Grindr or some other social network for gay men. You start clicking on the profiles of men you find interesting. And every third or fourth profile you click on says NO ASIANS.

How would you feel? How would you make sense of this? 

Let me tell you, from the many, many Australian Asians I’ve spoken with since I started this blog, the overwhelming majority of them feel demeaned, humiliated, and ashamed. They feel ugly, unmanly, unattractive, and desolated. They feel like they have a plague, a disease. They are embarrassed and are often frightened to even look at a white gay man because with almost every look they can see the same thoughts “Yuck, Asian men are so gross.”


No one is saying you have to have sex with Asian men otherwise you are racist. But if you feel the need to rub your sexual preference into their faces in such a negative manner every single time you create an online profile, then I’m sorry but you qualify as a racist arsehole. This is simple and basic, and I am so outraged that more white gay men refuse to even consider this aspect of themselves, and moderate their behaviour accordingly.

Racist Homophobe of the Day – HAPPY TO DISCUSS. GOODBYE.

Here we go again fellas! On today’s episode of “IGNORANT RACIST HOMOPHOBE ON GRINDR” we have this dude:

And here’s the conversation I had with him:

Yet again we have a white privileged arsehole who is “entitled” to give his “preferences” without “copping an ill-informed spat from me”. Don’t you just love it when the white privilege just dribbles out of a bigot’s mouth like horse-shit?

Well instead of psycho-analysing the racism and the homophobia today, I thought it might be a nice change to give you a conversation I was having AT THE SAME TIME with an Australian Asian. I think his thoughts on the subject offer an excellent counterpoint to the douchebag above, and also show that the language used in these profiles IS OFFENSIVE to others, and DOES HAVE a serious negative impact on the well-being of those this shitty language is directed at.

As for Mr Douchebag above, all I can write is GOODBYE.

I’m cute and I’m funny, and I’m a homophobe with an intense dose of white privilege, so that’s a plus!

This guy told me he “doesn’t subscribe to the view” that the term “straight-acting” implies that to be “gay-acting” is bad (frightening flaw in his logic as we all know), and anyone whom he offends can basically just suck eggs for all he cared. 

So in this guy’s mind, just because he has decided that the meaning of words don’t apply to him, it’s everyone else’s problem if they are offended. It’s like white idiots who call their mates “n****s” and argue that they aren’t offending black people because they simply “don’t mean it that way” or in this guy’s language “don’t subscribe to the view that the word n**** is offensive in that context”.

Yet another person of white privilege who is so unused to being challenged that he couldn’t contemplate changing for even a millisecond, because in his mind he has a born right to express whatever he likes no matter how negatively it affects another individual or group – the rest be damned.

A shameful example of a gay man right here.

When will the heteronormative media stop the subtle but clear demonisation of homosexuality? I have seen this countless times in the mainstream propaganda press: a gay-related story stuck side by side with a story relating to pedophilia. It’s no wonder our younger gays come out of the closet with such underdeveloped emotional and psychological self awareness. It almost guarantees that the internalised homophobia presents itself in comments like “no pedos”, “no dirty old men”, “no filth”, “straight acting” (as though there are no heterosexual pedophiles, because heterosexuality is so “good” and “normal”). Here we have it once more, in 2012, by the so-called left-wing newspaper THE AGE (I know, I know, it’s embarrassing that such a rag could be called left wing but there you have it).