Why the hell do gay guys get so upset when another gay guy says, “I only like gay guys that act masculine”? It’s not offensive at all, it’s a fucking preference. It’s not insulting, it’s what they want and they are just being verbal about it. If I say, I don’t like meat on my pizza, then are you gonna get pissed and say I’m vegetarian?
And just so everyone knows, I am in no way masculine or feminine, but I find Masculine guys more attractive. It’s just what I like.
And to say it’s insulting to fem acting guys, you could say the say thing about someone saying “I only like fem acting guys”. It’s insulting to masculine acting guys.
Here we go again. We have another white gay guy who hasn’t spent any time thinking about the issues that arise from internalised homophobia having a knee-jerk reaction to issues he finds triggering/confronting. On top of that, he completely misses the point. His logic is the equivalent of an 8 year old. Also it always makes me laugh when ridiculous analogies are made (in this case pizza) in an attempt to justify ignorance and prejudice. So let’s go back to basics, yet again, in an attempt to make things that are actually very simple, clearer for this troubled gay.
1. A very large majority of gay men are attracted to masculinity in others. Whilst this attraction is the result of heteronormative conditioning from birth, it does not change the fact that it is real. Unfortunately this guy has completely missed the point, thinking that people are getting upset over gay men saying they are attracted to masculinity. No. That’s not why gay men such as myself get angry about this subject. I am, like most others, attracted to masculinity as well, although the more I study gender and sexuality, the more I’m finding how truly ridiculous it is to attach any such terms to human expression.
2. Masculinity is a social construct. Which means what one gay man thinks is masculine, another may not. The problems occur when gay men start dictating to others what is and is not masculine, and by extension attempt to emasculate anyone who does not fit their ideal of masculinity. Some gay men insist you cannot be masculine unless you fit the stereotype of a jock/bloke, downing beers at the pub, watching sports, wearing construction gear, and driving a ute/pick-up truck. Unfortunately, the truth is many other activities and behaviours can be considered masculine. So when one of the stereotypically masculine men claim to be the only “real men” because of their behaviours, it’s insulting to everyone else who doesn’t share their take on masculinity.
3. Unfortunately a lot of gay men, when asked to define masculinity, cannot come up with coherent descriptions of what it actually is. In many instances, the response is “masculinity is not being a queen / a femme / a stereotypical limp-wristed gay / a sissy”. I’ve written about this before. If you cannot even define what it is that you think you are, or wish you could be, then how dare you insult members of your own community in an attempt to distance yourself from who you hope you are not!
4. Lastly let’s look a little deeper at the rudimentary logic employed by this guy. His last example is borrowed directly from the White Privileged handbook. See, a lot of ignorant white privileged people like to argue that African Americans who are prejudiced against whites are behaving with a kind of “reverse racism”. They would say things like, “well what’s the difference between a profile that says “No blacks” and one that says “No whites?” This guy is using the same (poor) logic. He’s saying there’s no difference between saying “Masc only, no fems” and “Fem only, no masc”. And that would be true if we were working on a level playing field. But we are not. I’d like to ask this guy just how many profiles he reads that say “No masc, fem only, if you look, walk, talk, and act like a man then don’t bother.” How man of those profiles do you see? ZERO. So until the activities, behaviors, mannerisms, and beliefs of masculine-acting men (and it’s just that, an act, for everyone hetero or not) are criticised to such a huge degree that masculine-acting men start feeling ostracised from the gay community, depressed, suicidal, unwanted, unattractive and worthless – UNTIL THEN you cannot compare “no femmes” with “no masc”. Because until then, the playing field is not even. It’s the same as white Australians complaining about an “Asian Invasion” when 4 out of 5 people in Australian are white (now THAT’S an analogy, unlike your pizza example).
So, in conclusion, no one is saying masculinity is a bad thing (fuck I feel like a broken record, I really, really do). What’s being said is if your only method for expressing your masculinity is by CRITICISING and JUDGING other gay men because YOU think they aren’t masculine, or because YOU are insecure about your own sexuality, then you are fucked.
Does this make any sense? If not, then go to my GAY SCHOOL 101 page and start reading the core articles that have been put there as a reference for people who are ready to start thinking about these issues more seriously. Rather than these knee-jerk tantrums, how about you take ownership of how you feel and start to question whether your reactions to these concepts could do with a little refinement.