Blah blah blah we get it, you’re scared people can tell you’re gay… 

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If you DO LIKE the term “str8 acting” chances are you’re:

1. very insecure about your sexuality;

2. intensely insecure about being the receptive partner in homosexual anal sex (i.e. a bottom), so much so that most of the time you lie to other people a claim you’re “strictly top”;

3. unaccepting of the diversity of the non-heterosexual community because you fear not being accepted for who you are by heterosexuals;

4. so damaged from being brought up in a heteronormative, homophobic environment that you try to imitate heterosexuals and their homophobia as a way of fitting in;

5. frightened that other people can tell that you are gay and dislike you for that;

6. unaware that the only reason you can show your face on Grindr and make these insulting statements without fear of losing your job, being bashed, ridiculed, or murdered is because all the “queens” you hate so much stood up for their rights and yours and copped the brunt of homophobia at the beginning of the gay rights movement, and are still doing this for you today (you disrespectful creature);

7. going to deny all of these statements because the truth of them makes you so frightened it gives you nightmares.

DEAR “STR8 ACTORS”: NO ONE’S BUYING YOUR CRAP ANY MORE. STOP INSULTING MY SEXUALITY AND START ACCEPTING YOUR OWN.

This guy has nearly all the “insecure about my sexuality” clichés. The only one missing is “normal”.

But seriously, the only thing this guy lacks is authenticity. Who is he really? No one knows, not even himself. He’s not allowed to be real, it would get in the way of all the “straight acting masc” going on.

Let’s reconstruct his profile using the truth:

5’11” toned and solariumed, with black hair and eyes. I look fit but probably couldn’t run around the block, I try very hard to act masculine and I immitate the straight men I wish would fuck my man-pussy, because I’m insecure about being a bottom and overcompensate with hyper-masculinity at every opportunity. I am discreet because I’m too scared to come out of the closet mainly because I’m worried people will treat me in the same way I treat other gays: i.e. with derision, contempt, and ridicule. Looking for someone as self-hating and unconscious as me so we can project our disgust onto each other.

The iGays Are Way Too Sick: TURN OFF THE LIFE SUPPORT!

WARNING: THIS POST IS ABOUT AS DARK AS I GET, DON’T READ IT WITHOUT HAVING YOUR GUARD UP. I’M ALSO WELL AWARE THERE ARE MORE ASPECTS TO GAY LIFE THAN JUST THIS PERSPECTIVE – BUT RIGHT NOW THIS IS THE ONE I’M GIVING SOME AIR TIME.

I literally have no hope left for the gay community. I’m 37, going on dead. I was born into a world of people, but I fear I will die in a world of internet-addicted, mindless animals. I came out in 1993, in Sydney, to a gay scene that was vibrant, colourful, out and proud. Here I sit not twenty years later, and the community has been decimated by the Internet. Completely, utterly decimated. As a whole, gays everywhere have become a sick group of animals who have completely lost their ability to interact on any authentic level, who have fearfully squashed themselves into simplified categories of drop-down boxes, and who banish entire groups of their own kind based purely on unwanted physical characteristics that do not fit the Gay-For-Pay Porn Model Image. We demand equal rights, but treat each other like sub-human animals, and worship the Straight Man as God-King.

We are an un-community. We have become a consumer product. We are the iGays. We have lost our souls. And we don’t even know it.

I have never felt more ugly, unworthy, and disgusting as I feel now. I have become so acutely self-conscious and lacking in esteem that if I actually venture out (despite this having become a pointless expedition of being ignored and judged, and watching small groups of gay males ignoring other small groups of gay males), I’m too uncomfortable to even dance anymore. I have no joy left in my life, because I have lost hope that I will ever share my life with another person. I look at other gay men, older than me, who have literally given up on life, and I used to condemn them, revolted by their apathy, but I am starting to understand them, understand why they feel so ripped off by this existence. They are labelled “bitter old queens”, but they deserve love and respect. Not everyone is strong enough to “keep on keeping on” in the face of this monstrously soulless life that is called Gay.

After having consumer culture rammed down our wide-open, cum-drenched throats for decades, after being heteronormalised to the point where we deride our own selves for being “gay”, our only desire has now become this:

It doesn’t matter what any of us look like – fat, ugly, beautiful, handsome, young, old, white, African, Asian, or whatever – THIS is the only acceptable partner for our lives. And if this is the ONLY ACCEPTABLE OPTION, then we are in a really bad state, because there is simply not enough of these Adonis Fantasy Men to go around.

We no longer see human beings and learn to love them, explore them, lock eyes with them and feel the exhilaration of romance and falling in love. We just log on to Grindr, the gay slot-machine, and repeatedly “load more guys” waiting for a jackpot that will never come. We are addicts, just like any common gamblers addicted to their machines. It doesn’t matter how many beautiful, similarly-tortured, like-minded souls send us a message, because unless they are this dude above, we are simply not interested.

We ignore, block, or prick-tease our way around our fellow brothers-in-pain, compounding the sense of self-hatred onto ourselves, and projecting it onto others. We salivate over these perfect guys, (perfect on the outside, not anywhere else), who exist only on our screens in porno fantasies. We throw ourselves repeatedly at them, we have childish tantrums if they ignore or reject us, and we pull our hair and wail about our accursed single-lives.

We deny our true desires, and claim we want only NSA FUN, because we don’t want to look needy and desperate, BUT THAT’S EXACTLY WHAT WE ALL ARE. It’s also really convenient to claim we’re “not after a relationship” because it makes our job so much easier when we “accidentally” forget to message that last fuck back. There was nothing wrong with him, he was hot and sexy and made us cum, but he wasn’t our jackpot, he wasn’t our Knight in Shining Hot Top Masc Str8 Acting Armour come on a white horse, torso exposed, muscles rippling, cock large thick and hard, ready to pound us endlessly into a multi-orgasmic nirvana happily ever after till Cher turns back time (eeew a gay icon, that’s so gay, it’s making me soft to think about her! REAL MASC MEN ONLY. NO HOMO. NO FEM.)

We have denied an entire half of our sexuality (our versatility, the fact that we have a cock AND a hole) and become addicted to bottomness, searching endlessly for the Hot Masc Top to save us, refusing to ever supply the pleasure we are addicted to receiving. We have shoved ourselves into heteronormative gender roles of masculine and feminine, man and woman, husband and wife, top and bottom, big spoon and little spoon, pitcher and catcher, top bunk and bottom bunk, and LITERALLY HATE OURSELVES for it. Oh, we claim we are versatile, but first opportunity it’s legs up and open high in the air, come save me Top Tarzan Man! If we allowed ourselves some love and romance, as we once did, in our fledgling days of true pride, we might fall for a man deeply enough to want all of him, and to want to give all of ourselves, not just our holes. But nope! Our sex addicted bottom-selves won’t allow this, (after all love and romance, those aren’t “masc things”, those are girly concepts, right?), and it’s easier to just BLOCK, PULL THAT LEVER, LOAD MORE GUYS, JACKPOT? BLOCK, PULL THAT LEVER, LOAD MORE GUYS…

BLOCK. PULL THAT LEVER. LOAD MORE GUYS…. and then pull that trigger because right now, in 2012, a bullet seems preferable to looking at another headless, soulless torso with the word MASC written above it.

AS DISCUSSED IN AN OLDER POST, THIS PROFILE IS PUBLIC. THE INFORMATION IN IT IS PUBLIC. USERS OF GRINDR NEED TO REALISE THAT WHAT THEY ARE PUTTING OUT ON GRINDR, THEY ARE PUTTING OUT FOR EVERYONE TO SEE. THERE’S NO USE CRYING OVER SPILT MILK IF SOMEONE CRITICISES THE CRAPPY TERMINOLOGY YOU HAVE CHOSEN TO USE ON YOUR PUBLIC PROFILE AND THEN LATER REGRET. HERE IS THE GRINDR PRIVACY POLICY. READ IT, AND DON’T ACCUSE ME OF DEFAMING YOU, WHEN ALL I’M DOING IS SHARING THE PROFILE YOU WERE QUITE HAPPY TO SHARE WITH LITERALLY THOUSANDS OF PEOPLE ONLY ONE DAY AGO. DEFAMATION IS A VERY DIFFERENT THING TO DISAGREEING WITH THE WORDS YOU HAVE CHOSEN TO USE ON YOUR PUBLIC PROFILE.

I just need to point out some of the glaring issues with any profile that uses the words “str8 acting”. 1. Firstly, above all, despite what he says this guy is not genuine. I’m sure he think he is, but he isn’t. The fact is, anyone playing the “str8 acting” game, anyone who uses this term, has not given any thought EVER to his sexuality, and what it actually means to be non-heterosexual. Sure, he kinda came out of the closet at some point, but he never truly “came out”. He’s still trying to pass as “normal”. There’s nothing genuine or authentic about this behaviour. 2. Many of these sorts of profiles demand that people “be themselves”. I am aware in this instance he’s talking about people using fake pics in their profiles. But what’s the difference between using a fake picture and living a fake life (as he does)? 3. Let’s always remember that the term “straight acting” is more damaging and more offensive than any other homophobic term in use at the moment. Why? Because it is insidious, and has taken root in our own community, and because of what that term MEANS – it means, and let’s be clear, that to “act straight” is to be “masculine”, and by extension this MEANS that to “act gay” is to be “feminine”. This term perpetuates all the stereotypes that homosexuals are not “real men”, not like the “straights”. If we keep using this term, and if we keep ignoring those in our own community who do, we are helping to forever allow the heteronormative society we are cursed with to box us into whatever stereotype they wish. We are diverse, we are masculine, we are feminine, we are original, we are unique and we are authentic – and the term “straight acting” denies all of us the chance to be these amazing things.

This guy’s response was, in a nutshell, “how can I be self-hating when I have an awesome life, awesome friends, awesome job, awesome family”? Just because a person is unconscious of it, doesn’t mean that the use of the term is not self-hating. So many gay men are running around thinking things are just dandy, only because they’ve wedged themselves into some form of heteronormativity and gained an inkling of acceptance because of it – from the heteros! Truly let your queer flag fly, and allow it some airspace, and see how “awesome” your life remains (hint: you won’t be using awesome to describe your life again).

When it was pointed out that all of this “awesomeness” is a product of his white privilege, he accused me of being racist towards whites (anyone surprised). I don’t see how we can even begin to discuss the privilege white skin affords people in this country if at every turn whites complain of racism and discrimination because they have been brought up from birth to think of themselves as superior in every way, and beyond any criticism.

It’s his white privilege that lead him to not ”put that much thought into it when I put “str8 acting” on my grindr profile, but then again I never put much thought into grindr, it’s really not that important to me.” White privilege means not ever having to worry about how one’s words or actions affect anyone else, because the only thing that matters is ME. 

But when challenged, in any way, or criticised for careless use of language, the complaints of defamation and racism come straight to the fore.

He wants this post taken down, but I just don’t think I can. Firstly, I don’t think it causes him any harm – with the number of white gay men using the term “straight acting” he won’t be lacking in supporters telling him “don’t worry about that fuckwit queen online, no one gives a shit about what he thinks.” Secondly, I think another aspect of white and male privilege is an expectation that people will just do what you want, simply by demanding it, and if that doesn’t work, just “say please” and they will comply. People of Colour, and other non-conformist queers, from what I’ve seen and experienced myself, don’t get that luxury no matter how much they demand or beg.

Secret Confession #32.

rebloggingdowntheline:

I find the idea of Grindr exciting for two reasons;

1. I like not feeling like the only gay in the world/ Melbourne. By this I mean I feel lonely, like I don’t have any gay people to obsess over anything with; ie. Madonna’s latest album and tour, Lady Gaga’s unreleased songs, etc.

2. If I was single, it’d be nice to know the really hot, straight-looking guy in a tailored suit with the world’s biggest bulge in his pants sitting across from me on the train is up for a good fuck session.

The hot “straight looking guy”? Seriously you said this? Not surprised you’re from Melbourne! Why does a hot guy automatically become “straight looking” in your mind? Can’t gay men be hot as well?

This is just another example of masculinity being perceived as belonging solely to the “straight” domain, and effeminacy belonging only to gays. Can’t gays be masculine to these people? A lot of these people are the first to whine about “queens” and “femmes” but at every single opportunity they hand masculinity over to heterosexuals without even a moment’s consideration.

To some this might seem like a harmless use of words in a harmless post. To me, and a lot of people who follow this blog, it’s far from harmless. It’s just more evidence that after 40 years of fighting for equality, our biggest enemy is still members of our own community who pine over heteronormative constructs and have little, if any, understanding of who and what they are as unique non-heterosexuals.

STRAIGHT DOES NOT EQUAL MASCULINE. GAY DOES NOT EQUAL FEMININE. GET THIS INTO YOUR HEADS!