Month: April 2012

These statements are not "preferences" they are "insults" and gay men everywhere need to stop using them – in your own words. maybe revise what you write seems as you're such an 'expert'. you remind me of like a fucking religious preacher spouting bullshit and making people feel awful for simply being themselves. you should be ashamed of yourself.

Lol. I was waiting for the “you sound like a religious preacher” comment. It always follows the Nazi one. I’m not making anyone “feel awful” for being themselves. If they are feeling awful, it’s because they are being called out for BEING AWFUL already!

So anyways, got any other names to call me now? So far I’m a nazi, religious preacher. What else is on the list?

But seriously, I’m glad you found the blog, and I’m glad it has triggered you so heavily, because that’s what it’s here for. You’re clearly another young person who is deeply entrenched in heteronormative conditioning, and it’s good you’ve come across this site. I know you won’t accept any of what is written here right now because it triggers so many things in you, but its great the ideas are crossing your conscious mind for once.

I can’t keep debating you, because it seriously wouldn’t be worth it for me to deal with all of your illogical statements, and they have already been addressed elsewhere on the blog. That said I hope you get something positive from this blog, at some point.

PS looking at your blog I’d say it’s time to stop smoking so much weed dude!!!

p.s. you sound like a neo-nazi who wants to create you're own perfect ideal of GAY. it's hard enough for people to come to terms with who they are so just stay out of it.

Oh here we go again. A nazi! It’s so funny how often crazies like yourself say that. Don’t you think that’s a massive over-reaction? I mean, seriously?

Are you the kind of person who thinks you can run around, insulting and ridiculing people willy-nilly, and not provoke a single word of criticism?

The Nazis worshipped conformity. Anyone who stepped out of line was punished. On Grindr we have soooo many people using the most disgusting racist and anti-gay statements, yet when just ONE SINGLE PERSON stands up to criticise this, you start screaming “NAZI”! I can’t even LOLZ hard enough at you right now.

Yes, whoever you are, me wanting people to show each other some basic respect makes me one HELLANAZI!

some people just are not turned on by feminine guys. you use tumblr like it's some revelation for research, it's purpose is for guys who want to fuck other guys so therefore by someone saying no femmes and prefering a race they're saying I DO NOT WANT TO FUCK THAT PERSON. not necessarily i'm a homophobic racist and i will lynch you all. to be honest if you have NO sexual preference and find every single sort of person attractive then you're a complete LIAR. EVERYONE HAS TURN ON/TURN OFFs.

Congratulations on being able to state the bleeding obvious. If you spend some time on this blog you will see that what you’ve written is not under dispute.

I agree with you we all have sexual preferences, and that those preferences don’t automatically make someone homophobic or racist.

This blog is about the negative language a lot of gay men are using that make racial minorities feel like shit simply for being the race they are. This is unnecessary and unacceptable.

It is also about the negative language gay men are using towards other gay men they consider to be “not masculine” or “not masculine enough”. This language, if you didn’t know any better, is the same sort of language used by homophobes. This is unnecessary and unacceptable.

So rather than contact me and try to defend the shitty language and behaviour of these guys, how about you have a look at yourself, and them, and start thinking of ways you can speak and behave that don’t ridicule and insult your fellow gays?

Here’s a link that can get you started:

GAY SCHOOL 101

Just remember, Grindr is used by many different gay men for many different reasons, not just “for a fuck”. It is not unreasonable to expect to be respected on there. What IS unreasonable is to expect you can use insulting language towards others and not be taken to task for it.

YEAH NAH

Had a long, extremely unproductive conversation with this one. Trying to express logic to him was like trying to explain astro-physics to a caveman, except that this subject is a lot simpler.

Horror from the Masc-o-sphere!

I’ve been thinking about all this unconsciousness going around in the gay community these days. This whole insecurity-driven obsession with being “masc” – ugh, that term is so sad! – with being some kind of “real bloke”.

There are so many of these men around, and its frightening to think that the more legal rights our homosexuality is awarded, the more unconscious and unevolved, as a group, we have become.

I’ve been thinking about the hysterical aggression aimed at me by many of these “masc” men (or sympathisers) at the mere thought that someone could challenge their unconscious addiction to “proving their manhood” to society (a society, to be sure, that will always just think of them as being something less than a man).

What kind of pitfalls do these sorts of unconscious men pose for the rest of us out in the land of dating? Think about it for a minute.

These men are trying their hardest to measure up to an ideal of masculinity. To do so, they often imitate straight men (by entering into traditionally masculine trades, or engaging in aggressive sports such a rugby or mixed martials arts). I don’t have a problem with any men engaging in these activities – my only issue is the motivation behind it.

We forget that the heterosexual male is not naturally so “straight acting”. The heterosexual male is conditioned to behave in a certain manner, just like we are, throughout his boyhood and adolescence. The heterosexual male imitates his peers and elders, and works hard on deepening his voice, removing inflection from his words, becoming proficient in a masculine skill, sport, or trade, and expressing himself as a potent alpha. This does not come naturally (despite the ludicrous suggestions of some self-hating gays I’ve heard, i.e. that testosterone makes men naturally behave in this manner – I say again LUDICROUS).

So here we have this entire group of gay men who are imitating heterosexual men, claiming it to be “just my natural expression”, and wreaking havoc on the rest of us as a result.

Havoc????? How?

Well, has any of you tried to have a relationship with these people? I have (unfortunately). Luckily thanks to my views on the subject it doesn’t take long to work out that I’m dealing with an unconscious guy who will only emotionally and spiritually abuse me. For many others, though, they get involved for months, even years, and the resulting head-fuck can be extremely damaging to their lives.

Having a relationship with an unconscious “straight actor” can only lead to one place – hell on earth. You’ll become drained as an individual, constantly under the scrutiny of your “masc” boyfriend, who is always finely tuned to any expression that is not “straight acting” or “masc” enough.

Your voice (does it sound too gay?), your opinions (are they “normal”?), the way you walk (is it like a man?), what you do for a living (is it a gay profession?), who your friends are (are they too gay?) The list goes on, and on, and on.

I’ve experienced this several times and it’s not fun, and certainly not pretty. Ultimately, you will do something “too gay” that triggers your unconscious boyfriend, and he will grow instantly distant or dump you. “It’s just not working out”, or “I just don’t really feel it” or simply he stops returning your texts.

You see, if you are real, if you are your authentic self, and true to your heart and soul, then you pose a threat to the delicate, fragile masc-o-sphere that has been carefully, painstakingly created by the unconscious “straight actor”.

His repressed issues are projected onto you. He has not learned to become comfortable with being non-heterosexual, and that will become your problem. He is so insecure about his sexuality, and that will become your problem. He is still trying to make sure everyone in the world knows he’s not one of those types of bad faggotty gays, just a “normal bloke who happens to get turned on by other normal blokes”, and that will become your problem.

Every time he detects some “gay acting” (in any form), the issue is triggered. He may not let you know he’s been triggered, but trust me, he is keeping a score of all those little faggotty things you do.

Before the whole chorus of “straight actors” comes a-whinin’, let me say there are always exceptions to these rules, but they are in the minority.

So be warned, the next time the perfect man of your dreams comes along, just ask yourself, “how perfect is he, really?” You have to be careful. Is he driving that ute, working on that construction site, listening to that rock band, owning that big dog, wearing those overalls, walking, talking, and thinking like a “real bloke” because that’s who he is, or because that’s who he wishes he could be?

How can you tell the two apart? The warning signs are clear. Does he:
– complain or show disgust towards effeminate men?
– say things like “I don’t like the scene / pride marches” because of the ways “queers” shove it in everyone’s face.
– use language that would sound homophobic if it came from a heterosexual’s mouth?
– slut-shame gays and gay culture (statements like “they’re so disgusting and filthy, and give each other diseases”).

This is not a comprehensive list, just a good place to start.

If there’s anything I have learned from starting this blog, it’s that internalised homophobia is a cancer, and it’s a cancer most self-described “masc” men refuse to acknowledge, and refuse to stop clinging to. It is their security blanket in a world that proclaims “Gays are Wrong/Bad/Unnatural/Disgusting”.

Save yourself the pain and effort, and keep looking for someone who doesn’t unconsciously hate themselves, you, and your community.

A great brouhaha is stirring in the nation’s conservative publications over comments Dan Savage made two weeks ago while addressing the JEA/NSPA National High School Journalism Convention. The convention was entitled “Journalism On The Edge,” which you’d think would prep participants for a certain amount of edginess in the presentations. Alas, the audience was not prepared for edginess. Savage’s subject was to be bullying, and he got right to the point:

The Bible. We’ll just talk about the Bible for a second. People often point out that they can’t help it — they can’t help with the anti-gay bullying, because it says right there in Leviticus, it says right there in Timothy, it says right there in Romans, that being gay is wrong.

We can learn to ignore the bulls**t in the Bible about gay people. The same way, the same way we have learned to ignore the bulls**t in the Bible about shellfish, about slavery, about dinner, about farming, about menstruation, about virginity, about masturbation. We ignore bulls**t in the Bible about all sorts of things. The Bible is a radically pro-slavery document. Slave owners waved Bibles over their heads during the Civil War and justified it. The shortest book in the New Testament is a letter from Paul to a Christian slave owner about owning his Christian slave. And Paul doesn’t say “Christians don’t own people.” Paul talks about how Christians own people. 

We ignore what the Bible says about slavery, because the Bible got slavery wrong. Tim — uh, Sam Harris, in A Letter To A Christian Nation, points out that the Bible got the easiest moral question that humanity has ever faced wrong. Slavery. What’re the odds that the Bible got something as complicated as human sexuality wrong? One hundred percent. 

The Bible says that if your daughter’s not a virgin on her wedding night — if a woman isn’t a virgin on her wedding night, she shall be dragged to her father’s doorstep and stoned to death. Callista Gingrich lives. And there is no effort to amend state constitutions to make it legal to stone women to death on their wedding night if they’re not virgins. At least not yet. We don’t know where the GOP is going these days.

People are dying because people can’t clear this one last hurdle. They can’t get past this one last thing in the Bible about homosexuality. 

Um, one other thing I wanna talk about is — [chuckles] — so, you can tell the Bible guys in the hall that they can come back now, because I’m done beating up the Bible. It’s funny, as someone who’s on the receiving end of beatings that are justified by the Bible, how pansy-assed some people react when you push back. 

I apologize if I hurt anyone’s feelings. But. I have a right to defend myself. And to point out the hypocrisy of people who justify anti-gay bigotry by pointing to the Bible, and insisting we must live by the code of Leviticus on this one issue and no other. 

As Savage noted, Christian students in the thousands-strong audience fled from his address, first in a trickle, and then in a great flood. The exodus began right around the time Savage started talking about slavery. Very soon, the offended students were talking to the press. From the rightist rag Citizen Link:

A 17-year-old from California who was attending with half a dozen other students from her high school yearbook staff, was one of several students to walk out in the middle of Savage’s speech.

“The first thing he told the audience was, ‘I hope you’re all using birth control!’ ” she recalled. Then “he said there are people using the Bible as an excuse for gay bullying, because it says in Leviticus and Romans that being gay is wrong. Right after that, he said we can ignore all the ‘B.S.’ in the Bible.

“I was thinking, ‘This is not going a good direction at all,’ Then he started going off about the Bible. He said somehow the Bible was pro-slavery. I’m really shy. I’m not really someone to, like, stir up anything. But all of a sudden I just blurted out, ‘That’s bull!’ ”

As she and several other students walked out of the auditorium, Savage noticed them leaving and called them “pansies.”

The story has now been picked up by FOX News Radio, under the headline “Anti-Bullying Speaker Curses Christian Teens.” Today, that article was one of the top links at Drudge Report, which suggests the story will get bigger very soon.

It’s too bad the Christian kids left the hall. They’re supposed to be journalists, and we in the journalism biz must often dirty our ears with others’ distasteful utterances. While Savage might have profitably avoided the use of profanities (which, when used to describe allegedly sacred documents, tend to make believers less than receptive to whatever might come next), what he said was materially true, and good journalism students of any creed ought to know it. And inquisitive Christians also ought to know the standard argument against Dan’s point: That Jesus’s “new covenant” rendered the Old Testament’s “ceremonial law” meaningless (making it okay for humans to eat shellfish and pork) but left in place the Old Testament’s “moral laws,” which include prohibitions against homosexuality. And smart people in general should know the counter-argument to that counter-argument, which is: Really? Stoning women to death isn’t a moral issue?

That’s where believers and doubters tend to part ways, which is a shame. Apparently these journalism students are too delicate to get even that far.

I WATCH THESE CHRISTIANS WALKING OUT ON MASSE LIKE A GROUP OF FRIGHTENED (YET STRANGELY SELF-ENTITLED) SHEEP, AND I AM THANKFUL MY MIND IS MY OWN, DESPITE THE RIDICULE AND THE ISOLATION THAT SOMETIMES BRINGS.

(Source: http://www.youtube.com/)

You shouldn’t be called self-hating for who you are, not at all.

BUT…

Were you using language like “straight acting” and “no femmes / no queens / no girly guys / no sissies / no lisps / no wrist flappers” etc? Because if you were, then that is the language self-hate, and you shouldn’t be surprised at being called out on it.

If you were using that language it also means you haven’t really come to terms with your sexuality at all, because you’re still trying to “prove” you’re not one of “those typical gays”.